I have been looking at the last year as we have been kicking off 2009. When 2008 started last year, I knew it was going to be a great year for me. Now when I look back at 2008 and that chapter of my life, I cringe. To be perfectly honest, my initial outlook is that 2008 completely sucked. It was hard and brought me to some dark places. It made me disappointed in myself and in God. That's all I achieved in the last year? Things were way worse than 2007 or even 2006!!
I struggled with my health like never before. I've always been pretty healthy, but I found myself battling all sorts of things. My appendix decided to go all-bursting on me, my immune system was shutting down... and that's just to name a few.
I have been a victim, like so many, of the spiraling economy. I gave up decent job security to pursue the career I went to school for... only to be treated poorly, nor payed, and realized it wasn't the career path for me. I took another "good" job that seemed totally of God... to get laid off a couple months later when they went bankrupt.
I had to give up my apartment and move to Boulder when I couldn't find any work in the nearby area. I even had to move out prematurely when I got a bona-fide stalker breaking into my home. I now work only 2 days a week (a job I love, but does NOT get me by!)
It's been a rough year and when looking back, that's all I've focused on. But looking back, there have been so many positives. God has placed me to minister to the teens in my church. He's given me a huge vision and passion for them I never had before. I get so excited every week for youth group and the things God is doing in the teens' lives. And as a reward, I have seen myself grow for the better. Living in Boulder... I love it! Growing up in Westminster all my life, the change of scenery is refreshing. And God has placed new people in my life that I know I've met for a reason. A co-worker of mine is not saved, but is definitely hungry and stays past her shift to have entire conversations about Jesus with me. I have a new unsaved roommate I know I'm supposed to minister to.
I just shared last week with the teens from 1 Kings 18. When Elijah had his whole "mountain-top showdown" on Mount Carmel. Elijah expected that huge event where God showed himself superior to Baal that a large revival was going to break out among His people. But what happened? Jezebel sent a little "love note" to Elijah telling him he had less than 24 hours to live. God reigned fire down in a supernatural act and all that was accomplished from it was that Elijah was now running for his life. Elijah found a cave to hide in and had an emotional breakdown, begging God to end His life. Total despair, panic and depression.
2008 was supposed to be great. I was supposed to go into 2009 on the clouds, so much closer to my destiny & purpose. Eyes straight forward. God moving like never before in my life. Instead, I felt going into 2009 that I was worse off than before the year started. And I found myself terrified as to where the country was headed and its effects it would have on me and my loved ones.
Well, God told Elijah to look out the mouth of the cave because He was going to pass by. Elijah watched as a strong wind blazed by.... yet God wasn't there. He watched a massive earthquake... yet God wasn't in the earthquake either. A huge lightning storm? Nope, no God in there either.
Then Elijah heard... His whisper. That's it. A faint whisper. That's where God was? In a whisper? Gee.... giminy yee-haw God. Big, powerful God in a tiny whisper. Thanks.
But that's it... We all know the rough times build us up and make us stronger... But my growth and achievements this year were not in anything I did. Nothing big or major... It was subtle. God has been changing me slowly and surely into the man He's destined me to become through His gentle whispers and nudges. A big, dramatic event will never warp me into who I'm supposed to become... But His workings minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, month by month. That is what will change things for the better. And last.
Now God can move in the mighty, powerful, dramatic events... He's been known to do that. There are times it's needed. He's shown me that this past year. My eyesight was healed supernaturally back to 20/20 vision. But as humans, our nature is to fall back on our old habits. To come up with logical explanations.
But looking back at who we were 5, 10, 20 years ago... That's where we truly see the work of God. I gave a challenge to the youth last week after sharing this. The only way to grow and hear His voice clearer and more effectively until it becomes natural for us is to spend time with Him. Every day. In His Word. Praying. Talking to Him. And not the scheduled devotional time with forced reading and going down your prayer list. Screw that. REALLY pouring into it, one-on-one, shutting everything out without an agenda, prepared to just listen to Him and what He is ready to whisper to us, teach us, and reveal to us.
Life constantly gets louder and louder. In that, His whisper gets quieter and quieter. When it all finally dies down, we relax and turn on the television. Meanwhile... God is still whispering to us. He never stops. And He doesn't whisper in a way we can't comprehend or hear. We just have to actually listen for it. Every day.
Had Elijah been more in tune with God's whisper, he wouldn't have been so surprised and depressed at the outcome of being exiled. Instead, he would have focused on and rejoiced in the fact that God reserved 7000 people who had NOT bowed to Baal... What Elijah failed to do in a dramatic instant, God had been doing gradually over time.
It was a rough year, but looking back, I'm not the same person I was when 2008 started... and it's for the better. I don't know what 2009 has in store for me, but... even though I'm not big on resolutions... I have made it mine to spend it more in tune with His whisper. Listening for Him everyday. Not just focused on my needs, but what He has to tell me, whatever it is. Then maybe I won't be so shocked and upset when things aren't going MY way.
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